My friends call me the San Francisco/Silicon Valley “Hitch.” Not sure what it meant at the time, but found out later it was in reference to the movie Hitch that starred Will Smith as a professional wingman who knows the dating game so well that he teaches his clients how to court the ladies.  However, when it comes to his dating life, he struggles on how to win the heart of one woman that he’s completely smitten with. He violates all his dating rules and games that he taught his clients because he fell for this woman.  Of course, like all movies, he won her heart at the end.

I’m not a professional wingwoman.  I’m just a regular girl who happens to be a young professional executive in the Silicon Valley, but somehow make my way up to the city almost every night of the week.  I can definitely relate to the character that Will Smith played in Hitch. I had my share of dating men from different backgrounds – the gorgeous models, the geeks, the players, and everything in-between. I’ve had a lot of experience in the dating world.  It should be, since I just entered into my 30s.  With that experience, I’ve mastered the dating game and etiquette quite well.  My friends benefited from my skills since I helped them court the opposite gender. Many have landed in a successful relationship.  I’m not here to brag about my wingwoman skills, but rather that I know the game, but absolutely *hate* to use it on those I truly like and want to date.  Like “Hitch,” I naturally know how to connect others with love, but when it comes to mine, I’m still trying to figure it out.

I never arrived this way.  I was the bonafide geeky, American-born Asian girl with glasses who grew up with her nose in her books.  I was the nice girl that went unnoticed under the big glasses and baggy clothes. Boys aren’t insightful at a young age, so they couldn’t look beyond the nerdy attire I sported every day.  You wouldn’t know me now if you met me then.  I ditched my glasses by the time I hit college and changed my Asian haircut with the front bangs by the time I started grad school.  I didn’t have my first real boyfriend until I was 21.  I was late in the dating game.  Mostly because I was raised in a strict, conservative Asian family.  Ask any Asian girl and she will tell you the stories of her strict upbringing.  I don’t regret anything about it.  We all have different experiences that influence who we are today.  I embrace who I am and how I got here.

Today, I consider myself as an attractive woman, who is confident, ambitious, and independent.  I am successful in many ways in my life. I am a builder and creator of things and ideas.  At the same time, I make mistakes and acknowledge I’m not perfect, but I learn the most when I fail or am not at my best.  I believe I also described 90% of the women in San Francisco and Silicon Valley.  With that said, I am in a pool with a high number of very intelligent and *single* women with academic degrees, corporate experience, and/or startups to back up their names.

Why does this all matter?  To begin with, there is a lack of number of qualified single heterosexual males in San Francisco, in contrast to the large number of shy, geeky guys in the Silicon Valley.  The men in San Francisco acknowledge the lopsided scale of eligible single women versus eligible single men and they use it to their advantage by playing the field and always looking for the “next best thing,” even though the girl they are with hits all points in looks, smarts, and personality.  It’s understandable that we all need to date a lot to figure out what we want in a partner.  But seriously, does it really need to be a constant every day search for an upgrade?

On the opposite spectrum, the single males outnumber the single females in Silicon Valley.  Many locals have sometimes referred San Jose as “Man” Jose for this very reason. The single women in Silicon Valley have the pick of the crop.  However, the guys are a bit more shy and awkward than compared to their San Francisco male counterpart.  Nothing is wrong with this, but rather the Silicon Valley guys are too shy that they don’t ask a girl out or demonstrate interest.  If they do make an attempt, their methodology is a bit awkward. (I will get more into this at a future blog post).

I’ve been in the Bay Area for a total of 6 years. I use to live in San Francisco for the first few years before making the leap and stationing myself in the lovely Peninsula or otherwise, known as, Silicon Valley.  Here, I am going to chronicle my dating adventures as a Silicon Valley Bachelorette (and maybe share a few stories from my single friends).  Like every single person, I’m hoping that this fun, but also equally agonizing process called dating that I find Mr. Right.